We have a lot of boxes in the garage. I’ve been going out to the garage, grabbing a box and bringing it inside the house to open and unpack. There were two stacks of boxes next to each other and I grabbed one off the closer stack. The giant monster spider in the pic below was on the second stack of boxes looking back at me going, “What? You want something?”

I said something witty back, like, “Garbublagahef!” and smacked the box I was carrying into the other stack with him in between. I ran back inside and told Karen about the attack. She was not all that sympathetic. After I calmed down a bit, I grabbed my phone, went back out and took a few pictures. As I was looking around for the broom and a dustpan, the spider shook it off and proceeded to charge me.
There may have been some girlish screaming at this point. After the screaming and some running around in desperate circles, I located the broom and, purely in self-defense mind you, began the beat down. It was brutal. At the end I was muttering, “die, damn you, die” in between sobs and gasping for breath. There was nothing recognizable left.
Karen still made me bring in more boxes.